In her holiday greeting to my family, Jo Cummings from Sandersville, Georgia,
began her message with the following sentence: "When I was a young mother I
had little wisdom, but I did realize that although the days were long, the
years were short."

Those words so embody a fundamental part of my philosophy of parenting and
are, I believe, so important, I dedicate my first column in this New Year to
Jo's avowal.

As a parent do you recall times when you have wished away moments -or even
entire stages- of your child's development? "I'll be so glad when he
sleeps through the night." "I'll be pleased when she starts walking."

"I'll be delighted when he can talk." "I'll be happy when you can get
your own drink of water. "I cannot wait until he is in school." "I'll be
glad when she is through adolescence." And on and on.

A little flight-of-fantasy never hurt anything. However, it is possible to
become so caught-up in the future that a parent takes no pleasure in the
present and sees little joy in the miraculous day-to-day gifts your child
offers. And, every midlife parent I know expresses surprise and sometimes
shock when he/she has a child who is ready to take a driving test for a
learner's permit or graduate from high school.

So, what are some answers? As much as possible try to live in the here and
now. Neurosis is nothing more than wishing reality to be different than it
is. Try to change a mind set of wanting your child to be older, more able,
more skilled, or more "anything" than they are.

Under the best of circumstances childhood is shortchanged in this country. I
am amazed at the pressures our youth face, even before they begin school.
Which means parents must also be experiencing enormous pressures.

Juggling a dual career or a single-parent household, children who are deeply
involved in church, sports, music, dance, art, theater and/or clubs, and any
family's effort to have a home life all mean a balancing act. Such a
balancing act requires patience, cooperation, commitment and taking every
pleasure possible in the moment at hand.

Life is too infinitely short to wish away a single moment. The few years
your child is with you are gone in a whoosh! As they pack for college you
find yourself wondering, "When did he grow-up?" "How is it possible she is
ready to be on her own?" "Why did I not have more fun with this kid?"
"Why was I so impatient when he was tapping on everything?" "Why did I
feel so annoyed at her many questions?"

Make no mistake, the days sometimes do feel long, tedious and exhausting.
But try to not allow this to take over your pleasure in experiencing life as
your child is experiencing it. There are so many unrepeatable moments of
sheer joy, learning, and exchange between a child and a parent. Once gone
they are gone forever. There is no instant replay.

Perhaps I have made my point. Parenting is the only job that once you are
done you finally have the experience needed. Enjoy your child. Look at him.
Listen to her. See each of them as the miracle and unrepeatable creation they
are. In children you are entrusted with the most precious samples of God's
handiwork.

Of course, you will be imperfect. Give yourself permission to be
human. Celebrate their existence. Rejoice in their growth. Model healthy
choices. And, know that though the days are long, the years are incredibly
short!